A Night with Kushina
by the infamou5 c0pyc4t
Summary: Their relationship was one of challenge: he, the meeting pervert; her, the tease. How far will Jiraiya go to get a glimpse of Kushina? In Progress. MA
1. The Tease

**A Night with Kushina**

It was like any other night of lovemaking. The lights were dimmed, not off; they liked being able to see each other, particularly with shadow against their frames. She was on the mattress, on all fours; he was standing behind her, gently gripping her wrist, handling it like reigns. But she preferred he hold her hair. She must have told him, for he swapped her lovely hand for that luscious red hair, and his grip tightened. A show of delighted submission played across her face in a smile when her head was pulled back, her throat exposed.

Her forest-green dress – her favorite – was bunched up around her waist. They both were fully clothed save for their anatomy. Was it preference? Or maybe they just expected company of some kind…

Jiraiya could never tell. He always wanted to see what Kushina looked like under that less-than-flattering outfit of hers. It wasn't a proud secret, but his inner pervert demanded to know the curves of the delectable Red-Hot Habanero.

It wasn't his first time watching them. In fact, he'd seen them fool around so much that he practically knew their schedule, knew the telltale signs that would alert him to an amorous night of Uzumaki and Namikaze sex just by visiting them. Kushina was not particularly subtle, though. Those eyes she gave her husband, whenever a topic contained a double entendre or Jiraiya mentioned some indecent story… Kushina was the pervert in their happy, perfect relationship.

She said something, turning her head back over her shoulders to say something naughty. Jiraiya couldn't read her lips, but whatever was said riled Minato; his face screwed up, his hands forgoing her hair to steer her hips harder and faster, to his wife's obvious delight. Minato's lips could be read through the telescope Jiraiya was using several rooftops away.

 _Kushina!_

That was the end for the renowned Yellow Flash. The tempo of his hips jerked, stalled, wobbled, and ceased. He was pressed up tight again Kushina, and her mouth opened wide; Jiraiya could almost swear he heard her scream out her orgasm as Minato's rushed into her. The flush on her cheeks matched her hair. Her violet eyes gone as her lids closed tight. Were they trying to conceive? Or were they just a careless pair of kids who used other forms of protection?

Jiraiya memorized and logged away the moment of Kushina's ecstasy. The beautiful redhead slumped on the bed, her husband following tenderly to hold her, smiling a tired smile after gratifying sex. He was whispering to her, planting a small kiss here and there on the side of her head or her ear. She peeked up from the cradle of her elbows and grinned at him.

Whatever romance was being dialogued, Jiraiya felt he could miss. It was bad enough that he peeped on his former student and his wife, knowing Kushina almost as intimately as Minato – minus by touch and a few parts of her figure he'd not been able to glimpse yet. It was great inspiration for writing, he always reasoned with himself, and would throw it up as a strong defense if he was ever caught – unlikely, for he'd perfected the Peeping no Jutsu – but the fact of the matter was…

… He was a Super Pervert.

He grinned lecherously as he recapped tonight's escapade, and compared it to others. Last time, Minato let Kushina ride him, and she was a fearsome rider! She lifted and dropped her hips with gusto, even swiveling them and showcasing an amazing talent for being the one on top. Minato was finished in three short minutes; Jiraiya rounded up the time to give some credit to his protégé.

But Kushina, through her body language, told Jiraiya that she wanted something exciting. Not that she was unhappy with Minato at all! She could very well find what she wanted in bed with him, but he was preoccupied a lot of the time to really explore those deeper lusts. And, Jiraiya had to say with some disappointment, his former student was green in the art of elaborate sex acts. If he'd just cracked open one book of Jiraiya's 'Meet My Paradise' collection – a short prelude to his in-progress _Icha-Icha_ – he could learn a thing or two to impress his lustful wife.

Jiraiya then shrugged with a sigh, packing up his writing kit and peeping scope, and turned away from his view. "Oh, well," he murmured with a small grin. They'll make it through, he figured and then leapt off into the night.

The girls' bathhouse should be full of women by now.

"It's a covert mission," Minato said, packing the last of supplies into his backpack. He was traveling light; nothing heavy, and Kushina figured she could count on seeing him return before too long. Still, Iwagakure was a dangerous place for outsiders, particularly Konoha shinobi. Kumo may have had a grudge – Ay still openly fumed about his encounter with the Yellow Flash – but the Stone villagers were underhanded and attacked with less honor than the prideful Cloud.

"You'll be careful, right?" Kushina playfully pushed at Minato's brow with a scolding finger. Her glower was insincere; she couldn't even keep the curl of a smirk off her lips as she stared at her husband. "I don't want to have you injured when you come back. You're such a pain to take care of when you whine."

He smiled back at her, and before his departure, what started as soft kisses ended in the bedroom with ruffled sheets, scattered clothes, and sweaty bodies.

~~~ **Nine Days Later** ~~~

Minato had said it would not be a long mission, but unfortunately, shinobi could see months at a time to be a short mission. A long-term mission usually meant death. Nine days shouldn't have had Kushina worried, yet she was. Bored out of her mind! Mikoto was good company, and her overall aura was similar to her even-tempered husband, but Minato was also sometimes meek, bowing to the forceful Uzumaki's will when she was in the mood for mischief; Mikoto, coming from the noble Uchiha clan, could not be swayed into tomfoolery and whatnot.

And so… Kushina was bored. What joy was there to be had in doing mischief alone? Whining like a child in time-out, the redhead threw herself across the kitchen table – which had been cleaned and re-cleaned at least three times that day. It was only past midday, and all she had to look forward to was washing up and making dinner for one. Hardly exciting for the Red-Hot Habanero.

Who knew that a knock on the door could be so exciting? Visitors! Visitors! Something to break the monotony! Kushina was up and racing to the front door and was halfway there before she realized that the knocking was being done on the sliding door on the other end of the house. And there was only one visitor who ever came in through the scenic route.

Kushina beamed with excitement as she saw the old teacher of Minato standing outside the door, grinning a great, toothy grin while squeezing his fingers in wave. For his age, he acted more like a kid than herself! And, truth be told, there was rarely a moment of boredom when he was around.

"Hello, Kushina! How're…?" He was loud when the pane slid open, and before he could even ask to come in, Kushina grabbed him by his vest and pulled him in.

"Jiaiya-sensei!" Kushina leapt joyfully, grinning wide. "Thank goodness you're here! I was getting so bored!" She suddenly caught herself, and her cheek puffed and she visibly fumed. She waved a finger in his face accusingly. "Where have you been all this time? You didn't even see Minato off!"

" _Huh?_ He's on a mission?"

Kushina retracted her finger and sighed. "You must've been busy writing to have missed that," she grumbled. She looked up at him with her violet eyes. "He's already been gone for more than a week, tebane. _Ugh…_ And I haven't had any fun~." She fell like a rag over a chair, as if just remembering the boredom had sapped life from her.

Jiraiya blinked, and then snickered at her theatrics. His student was always so composed and serious, but his wife was certainly an animated creature of beauty. Jiraiya tried not to take note of her posterior as she slumped over the back of the chair. He'd been practicing measurements since his earlier years that it'd almost become instinct for him to analyze by sight. Tsunade's bust was almost measured perfectly by his gaze, but he could swear her breasts grew bigger each time he saw her!

"Well, if it's entertainment you need," he said proudly, tugging on his olive-green vest in official declaration, "I have some stories that you could…"

"I don't want to read your smut," Kushina immediately said, wheeling on the Infamous Toad Hermit with stern eyes.

What hurt worse? That she didn't want to read his works, or that she referred to them as smut? Works of adult art, he'd call them! Though he wasn't ashamed to say he dabbled in quick drabbles of stories focused on elaborate sex scenes. Everyone needed an outlet of some kind! Clearing his throat after regaining his composure, Jiriya assured her that these stories were from memory… with little adult content.

Theirs was a good relationship, for Kushina knew what to expect from Minato's former teacher and was given full warning to his lecherous ways. Kushina, of course, saw it almost as a challenge to dodge Jiraiya's advances. All in good fun, but Kushina was far more wary of his peeping skills when he once caught her in her underwear. It might have been a mistake like he had claimed when he nonchalantly walked into the room she was changing in, but a good pervert was also a good liar, no matter his boasts of gallantry. Therefore, the contest was waged between them, her maintaining her modesty and he, ever after that elusive grope or visual that would tantalize his mind for decades to come.

Little did she know of how far and how accurately he could use his telescope…

But all that was irrelevant in this exchange of beguiling tales of his ventures to far-off lands, and aside from the gratuitous mention of the females of those places, Kushina found them quite wondrous. Yes, story-telling was definitely Jiraiya's calling, and she told him so with a smile after his latest story ended.

She gave him her foxy grin, inviting him to stay for dinner. "But first," she said, standing up from her chair, "I wanted to shower. Do you mind waiting a bit out here, Jiraiya-sensei?"

There was a flicker of some kind in the old man's eye, and then he covered it while clearing his throat respectfully behind a closed hand. " _Um_ , I'd love to stay, Kushina, but I must first attend to a quick matter at the mansion. You know those buzzards love circling me whenever I'm in town!" He smiled wide at her. "But I'll be back in time for supper. If I'm not, I'll leave a little toad here that'll let me know you need me."

Kushina was already in the hallway, waving at him. "Alright! I'll see you in a bit, tebane!" She didn't wait for him to say goodbye or to watch him leave. She was already heading to her room after a quick trip to turn the water on and give it a chance to warm up while she undressed.

Once securely behind a closed door, she began to disrobe quickly. Her dress came off with childish fashion and was flung messily onto the bed. She stripped down to her underwear: pale-pink and modest. If Minato was not around, what call was there to be flashy and exciting beneath her clothes, anyway?

Her breasts were not gigantic things, boulders lugged around on her chest like Jiraiya's old flame and Number One desirable. No, one arm across her chest was enough to comfortably cradle them and conceal their details. Cheery B-cups; nothing to drag them down, sitting high on her chest with the benefit of her spry age and energy!

When Jiraiya was around, she just felt compelled to keep hidden her figure, for his legendary peeping could never succeed if it was never given a chance. But it was the downing of her drawers that was the tricky part. To hide the beautiful, crimson mound, she had to lower her panties to a certain height and risk 'indecent exposure' for that millisecond before she was able to cross her thighs together while shuffling the panties down the rest of the way. True, her butt was always in view, but she would never bend over to collect her panties until after the towel was around her.

A deep-red towel was her favorite, matching her unique hair color and more appropriately, her intense temper. Donned in the appropriate attire, Kushina opened the door, having not bothered to lock it in the first place. With Jiraiya around, what were the point of locks?

"Jiraiya-sensei~!" she called out, not to tease him or get him to have a gander at her concealed only by a towel; just curious if he was still around. No answer, so she shrugged and went straight for the bathroom.

The water was on and had filled the tub a little ways; the unblocked drain prevented the water's rise from getting out of hand should she forget or become distracted from her shower. But to her surprise, there was a guest: a little green frog with a bright yellow jaw and belly. It sat in the water calmly, its vocal sac inflating rapidly with its breath. Though silent and unmoving, it seemed such a thoughtful creature with its big eyes.

" _Hmm._ " Kushina put her hand to her chin in thought. "Jiraiya-sensei did say he was going to leave a frog." She smiled and bent in half, and then more, the crease of her breasts swelling against the towel. "I guess that's you, right? How cute!" She held out both hands for the frog, and obediently, the amphibian padded on to take perch. The frogs that did not talk were always the cutest to her; the talkers always had such bad manners.

She held the frog up to her face and snickered. "I guess you want a free show, right?"

The pulse of its vocal sac stalled, and sweat drops appeared over its body. It tried not to look nervous, but the cover was blown.

" _LIKE HELL, TEBANE!_ " roared the Red-Hot Habanero, flaring with rage, hair fanning out in nine waving tendrils. And then came the infamous uppercut that slugged the frog skyward with enough force to break it through the roof. The impact dispelled the illusion, and Jiraiya soared a magnificent height before dropping to the ground. He landed with the effect of a sack of potatoes some distance outside the Namikaze/Uzumaki residence, causing all manner of rubberneckers to wonder what had happened to the old man.

He groaned and his foot twitched, and while in the throes of pain, he mentally commended Kushina's strength.

The front door of the house he was just ejected from opened, and Kushina, still dressed only in a towel, ran out, leaning across the balcony of her home and waving at her departed guest. She wasn't angry any more, or if she was, she hid it remarkably well. "Dinner will be ready in a few hours, Jiraiya-sensei~!"

"Oh, it was Kushina-chan," said a bystander. "That makes sense," said another. "The Red-Hot Habanero strikes again," a third added with a smile. All were men, and all were gawking and fussing over the beauty clad in a towel until a flower pot was thrown at them.

" _What are you all looking at?!_ " Kushina bellowed, her Kyubi-like temper flaring again, dispersing all the gawkers in an instant.

~~~ **That Night** ~~~

Dinner was eaten and well-received by Jiraiya, who toasted Kushina's cooking as the best he'd eaten. "They say the more beautiful the cook, the more delicious the food," he praised to her while rubbing his filled belly in front of his emptied dishes. Not an actual saying, but he always remarked on Kushina's loveliness, both sincerely and flatteringly.

Kushina gave that toothy smile. "You probably say that to all the girls you meet on your travels, Jiraiya-sensei."

He couldn't help a snigger as he took a toothpick from his vest and began to use it. "Only the most beautiful ones." The two laughed while Kushina took the dishes away to the sink. They made idle chitchat while separated by rooms, but when Kushina returned, she was holding up and tilting back-and-forth a bottle of saké. Jiraiya's eyes were wide at the offer. "Kushina…"

"Minato's not here," Kushina said, still smiling. She blushed a little, her eyes closing. "He can't stand it when I'm drunk!"

Jiraiya paused for a moment, and then reached in his vest. As if his vest was a magical item that produced whatever the situation called for, he brought out two discs to serve the alcohol in.

And in minutes under an hour, lightweight Kushina was drunk. She was a loud drunk, talking of stories when she was a kid and beat other kids up, or talking about women who frustrated her at the market like that uptight Haruno Mebuki bitch, or saying what she would do if she was Hokage.

All very amusing for the alcohol-resistant Jiraiya, but he was gaining a bit of boldness from the effect and from Kushina's blunt openness. And after she did a bit about the things her husband did that annoyed her – after she clarified over and over that she loved him – he felt comfortable enough to pry. "How are things with my best pupil?"

"They're great, they're great!" Kushina quickly said while flourishing her hands in front of her. She rubbed the back of her head then and laughed. "We don't really have any problems."

Jiraiya looked at his saucer and contemplated as the alcohol hardly sloshed in his steady hand. His lips then curved at the corners, a sly smile as he stared sidelong at her. "I meant in the bedroom." He downed the saké and waited.

Kushina froze at the words. "Well, they're…" She started to answer, the blush of intoxication deepening with modesty. "Really good," she honestly answered, nodding to emphasize that Minato did satisfy her. "But…"

There was always a 'but'…

"Well, he doesn't explore much, tebane," she quietly admitted.

Jiraiya blinked. "Explore?"

"He doesn't want to try new things," she said, distractedly circling the rim of the saké bottle. "I think he's afraid that I won't like what he wants to try." Her head dipped, and she looked off to the side like a child confessing to misdeeds. Her blush bled into the color of her hair. "So what would he think of what I want to try?" she added in a child's pout.

Jiraiya blinked again. He almost tipped the saké out of his hand, wanting to sober up at this moment of critical questioning. Clearing his throat and turning on his hostess, he leaned towards her, trying and failing to address the matter at hand in a suave, nonchalant way. "And… _hrm!_ And what do you want to try?"

Kushina looked at him from between her tresses. Her eyes sparkled, and Jiraiya felt his throat clutch. What the…?

" _Ha-ha-ha-ha!_ " Kushina threw her head back, giving her ungraceful fit of laughter, all the more unflattering with the help of alcohol. When she calmed down, she leaned towards her husband's master and pressed directly on his nose. "You want to hear the details, huh? You should be called Ero-Sennin, tebane!" She gave him a steamy look, and then said, "I bet you just want to see me naked."

Jiraiya, for all his composure, was taken aback by her announcement. In reality, what she said was true! He may have watched her through windows, but he'd yet to gape at her true, naked beauty.

And then, to further his disbelief, Kushina reclined in her seat, her bust immodestly presented as she reached for the straps of her dress, easing her thumbs underneath them, her intentions obvious yet shocking. The Toad Hermit's breath caught in his throat as his pulse began to quicken. A bad drinker, was this the limit to Kushina's humility?! Was Jiraiya about to be given the sight he'd waited patiently for, struggled to get a glimpse of time and again?! Was it right to let this happen? Minato…

Minato would have to understand! It wasn't like Jiraiya flat-out asked for Kushina to flash him. It was a simple incident that came from friends drinking together! And she was the one who initiated it all! Jiraiya had no reason to be ashamed, so he waited, eyes wide and mouth shut. He didn't even breathe as he waited for Kushina's dress to take the plunge.

And it did a moment later. The front came down, and Kushina presented her shirt with a flamboyant shout. "Ta-da!" Nothing sexy about her shirt; no better glimpse of her form that couldn't have been seen with her dress on properly. And of course, seeing Jiraiya's un-amused and disappointed expression only made her snort with uproarious laughter again. "Gotcha, tebane!" she cracked up with a prolonged point at him.

Jiraiya watched her up until she fell backward in her seat, hitting the floor hard, and then scoffed with a smile. "Be careful the games you play, Kushina," he playfully warned her, leaning over to wink down at where she cackled at him.

At his words, she smirked and returned his wink. "You'll never get the chance, tebane."

The game was afoot.


	2. The Game

**Jan. 11, 10:10**

 **Konoha market district**

 **Subject: green dress, hair down**

Still no Minato…

Such drearily lonely and lazy times… Kushina, normally so full of life and energy when she went out, slumped her way through the marketplace, shoulders falling with the weight of her grocery bags under a cloud of misery spared just for her. It was practically visible to all who saw her dragging herself through the dirt roads. The normally-terrifying woman now garnered looks of pity and woe from her fellow villagers. Some women sympathized that a young newlywed should not be so long alone, and the men contemplated giving her company, but of course thought better of it. Beauty, she might have been, but also dangerous… like some plant or something copier is trying to remember, but can't…

No fun at all. Jiraiya had come and gone the night after drinking, his pursuit of novel inspiration greater than the need of company for a chatterbox like Kushina. She missed him now too.

She stopped in place, standing like some gloomy wraith at the bridge leading from the market. The canal waters moved smoothly and quietly beneath her, but in this ominous silence, the waves could be heard and birds miles away sounded like a Chidori overhead! The bags almost dropped in her slacking grasp, and her knees caved inward. And that was when the long hair came away from her face so that she could wail skyward in her solitude: " _I'M SO BORED, TEBANE!_ " She droned and collapsed in the heap of wifely chores she had become. What had happened to the adventurous, mischievous shinobi she used to be? Married, sure, but without her beloved with her, it just felt monotonous. Aside from Minato and Jiraiya, what friends did she have? Who could she call on? That stuck-up Mebuki and her somewhat amusing if not annoying husband? That Inuzuka whose temper and alpha attitude warded away all sorts of company? Or…

"Kushina-san."

The redhead's eyes flashed open, and she looked up to see the stunning beauty of Uchiha Mikoto. Kushina gawked for a moment. The Uchiha were the pride of Konoha, and Mikoto was perhaps the most stunning of them all, though she did little to flaunt it, sticking herself at home after her firstborn and living the typical mother's life. Kushina both envied and dreaded what Mikoto had turned into a lifestyle. A mother, ya know! A stay-at-home shut-in, ya know…

Mikoto, despite the odd way she found her friend, bowed slightly to offer her hand, a warm smile on her lovely face. "Lonely without Minato-san, right?"

Kushina laughed meekly, rubbing the back of her head. "I suppose I shouldn't have anything to complain about, right? Your husband leaves for months at a time." She took the offered help and brought herself up quickly.

"Yes, it can be difficult without a man around," Mikoto admitted, though she did not seem like the time apart mattered much to her. "I sometimes with I had a man who stuck around."

"That's why you had Itachi-chan," Kushina joked, and Mikoto seemed surprised by the mention of her son, and then smiled and agreed. " _Ahh~_ , Itachi-chan! How is he?" Kushina, of course, had heard of the youngest Uchiha, a boy who was showing even more promise than Minato's own student, Hatake Kakashi.

Mikoto offered some details about Itachi, but she was vague. Must've been tuckered out, chasing after a boy who absorbed knowledge faster than it could be taught. "It's a bit of a chore," she said with a smile, "But it makes the breaks very rewarding. In fact, would you like to come with me to the hot springs tonight?" As Kushina's attitude suddenly switched, she closed her eyes and cocked her head to the right ever so slightly, shining with a smile. "I think you'd do well with company."

Kushina blinked several times. Best friends, no doubt they were, but it was rare to be invited places by her; Mikoto was always so busy with her clan and family, and to face facts, it didn't reflect well on the Uchiha to deal with a stray from the lost Uzumaki clan. Slowly, the corners of her gaping mouth began to lift, and before a moment, she had on her happiest smile.

"Sure, tebane!"

Mikoto smiled just as happily, if not more so.

 **Jan. 11, 20:34**

 **Konoha's outdoor hot springs**

 **Subject: towel (Special Note:** ** _NOTHING ELSE~!_** **)**

The sky was veiled by the transparent trailers of steam that almost camouflaged the starlight. Kushina stargazed for a while as Mikoto, for whatever reason, was held up in the changing room. The moment they had arrived, in a flash, before her companion could even see her, Kushina had stripped bare like a shedding cicada and was in the water at once. Now she was up to her chin, relaxing as wisps of scarlet drifted about her. No one else was here, and that just made it all the more comfortable to be her brash self.

Her eyebrows then furrowed, and she cast an impatient glare back at the changing room. "Mikoto! Hurry up, tebane!"

The door slid open in response, and Mikoto walked out. On her face was a strange pout that altered noticeably to a look of awe when her eyes went on Kushina. Was that a blush on her face? Kushina had to quirk an eyebrow at that.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" She gestured for Mikoto to sit with her.

" _Uh,_ right!" Mikoto did not have her serene composure when she spoke, and again, Kushina was left wondering. Mikoto stared down at her when she was at the water's edge, as if expecting something. Kushina stared right back, carefully holding her towel in place as she waited for the two of them to sit back and relax. With a sigh like defeat, Mikoto went into the water.

Kushina, normally so bright and bubbly at the hot springs, felt unsettled by Mikoto's attitude. She looked at her friend, but Mikoto looked forward as if determined not to look anywhere but the other side of the pond. Her posture was unusually stiff, without the ease of nobility.

The silence was, to say the least, uncomfortable. Mikoto wasn't chatty by any means, but this just felt weird to Kushina. A few times, the Uchiha looked at her, eyes noticeably sizing her up. Did the towel Kushina have wrapped around her torso offend her? Should she take it off as a way to express that neither of them should feel uncomfortable?

Not like she had a problem sitting naked in a bathhouse! Giggling to herself, Kushina stood up, a heavy wash of water spilling from her and her soaked towel. The stiffness of Mikoto was gone when she looked up at her red-haired friend, that familiar blush returning to her cheeks as she gawked up at the beauty.

"Mikoto…"

" _Eh?_ "

" _NICE TRY!_ "

A straight that would make the Raikage's son envious! And it landed right in Mikoto's left cheek. Her composed, beautiful features turned into a mess of slobber and K. eyes that jabbed from their sockets. Nothing of her beauty or dignity remained in the moment Kushina's fist crashed against her.

It seemed like such a betrayal of their friendship until a plume of smoke erased Mikoto and replaced her with a towel-clad Jiraiya. He sputtered in slow-motion under the weight of Kushina's drive until his head bounced off the cobblestone floor behind him.

 **Jan. 11, 20:50**

"Sorry, sorry. But you can't blame a hermit for honing his craft," said Jiraiya, now that he and Kushina sat on opposite sides of a boulder, effectively blocking his view of her.

" _Hmph!_ " Kushina puffed out her cheeks like a pouty child and turned her nose up at his excuses. "Perverted craft," she inputted for him. "You'll earn the name Ero-Sennin before long."

"Kushina-chan can be so cold sometimes," she heard the old man whine, bringing a slight smile to her face. Pervert or not, he could play the charming part very well. But sometimes, his charm and goofiness masked his cleverness. "You better not be making a Kage Bunshin to peep on this side, tebane!"

" _Aww~_ , Kushina-chan~" The white head peeked up over the rock, and Jiraiya gave a broad smile down at Kushina as he boldly leaned over the rock, folding his arms to rest his chin on. Despite the obvious danger of this move, he looked relaxed. "My peeping technique is never done secondhand; I need to see it with my own eyes."

A rock flew at his head, and with his forehead protector removed, it would cause quite a lot of pain. He ducked in the nick of time and watched the airborne stone fly harmlessly overhead. "Scary, scary! I forgot who I was talking to for a moment. The Red-Hot Habanero shouldn't be teased, huh?"

Lies! He knew exactly what he was doing, though he didn't get a glimpse of anything important. But that didn't mean it was a wasted risk. Kushina narrowed her gaze against the drifting steam. Everything had turned quiet, like someone holding their breath in anticipation. With skills of observation honed in her years as a ninja, she scanned the pond. What was Jiraiya-sensei plotting?

A movement in the water from the corner of her eye, just barely audible…

"Jiraiya-sensei…"

" _Hmm?_ " The old hermit sounded nonchalant.

"You said that you wouldn't let your Kage Bunshin peep for you?"

"Nope! I must respect the art of the peeping, or I can never master it!"

"Then the real you…" She took a stone and gripped it in her fist. "…is _HERE!_ " Kushina struck, sure and suddenly, her fist plowing through the water with such force that it broke like a cloud around a missile, revealing the underwater hermit with a bamboo straw in his mouth. No time to dodge, he was hit fantastically hard! Once, he'd peeped on Tsunade and wound up in a hospital with broken ribs, arms and legs, and all sorts of other injuries to remind him of his peeping failure. This punch would surely be one for him to remember and compare with Tsunade's.

But for the fact that he was… a Shadow Clone that poofed out of existence when her fist drilled into his cheek. Her eyes went wide.

 _A feint!_

Then the real one…!

Her towel was slipping, the weight of the water in it and the fierce movements of her arms undoing the fold. The hem drooped, and she couldn't catch it in time. Her breasts were coming into full view just as Jiraiya popped his head over the boulder. He'd get his eyeful and then some! She'd be logged away as just another success of his undefeatable Peeping Technique!

He'd used his earlier 'blunder' to distract her from the swap of real and fake! Luckily, though, she had still had the stone on hand and threw it with certain marksmanship right between his lecherous eyes. Bull's-eye! But a cloud of smoke revealed the truth. A third layer to the trap, and hands empty, her towel had sunk to her feet. Her nakedness was there for Jiraiya to claim, and she could hear him cackling. But where…?

" _Kukukuku~!_ It seems this round is won, Kushina!" His voice was all-encompassing; no set point of origin for her to look in! She tried to cover herself, but from whatever vantage point he was at, he'd get enough. Just where had he gone?

Then the truth came as he announced the technique: "Hentai no Jutsu! The Toad's Throne!" The entire boulder shifted, and Kushina could hardly believe the truth. With no use of Chakra at all, Jiraiya had fashioned a cloak to look exactly like a boulder! How had she not noticed before? And how patient was he to have been waiting here all this time for this chance?!

She was taken aback by the power of his Pervert Jutsu! There was no time to cover up decently, no way for her to punch through the flourishing cloak as the towel-clad hermit unveiled himself!

There was only one thing she could do…

 _That_ technique!

Forming a seal with the hope of a prayer, she tried to make it in time, grunting as her Chakra flashed with a cloudy burst.

Jiraiya laughed triumphantly as the boulder cloak flew behind him. His eyes were like fat, upside-down 'U's as he prepared to feast his eyes on her for the first time. "Now, Kushina-chan! Let us see…!" He froze when the blade sunk through his heart…

…

… The blade of disappointment! For when he set his hungry eyes on Kushina and devoured the sight, it was like he'd just ingested a bucket of sludge. Where there should have been full, perky breasts hung flabby, brown-spotted udders; where there should have been lean trim and youthful tightness, skin sagged with more blemishes; and where there should have been a patch of red meadow above the most sacred crevice for man, there drooped a sad, wagging old wiener, complete with a pendulous set of nuts.

Where Kushina once stood now moped his former teacher Sarutobi Hiruzen; a comical version of him with fat fish lips and dead eyes. And for Jiraiya to see in full naked glory. With his pasty white eyes, he gave a lifeless smile and lifted two fingers in victory. "Anti-Jiraiya no Jutsu: Sarutobi-sensei."

As if dealt a blow just as lethal as anything Tsunade ever dished out, Jiraiya flew back and crashed down, unconscious while foam bubbled up from his mouth. Even when Kushina changed back, giggling uncontrollably at the turnaround while still naked, he did not stir.

He would lie there until morning, when he would find a note left on his chest, sporting a self-portrait doodle of Kushina, holding up her 'V' again (this time, as herself) with a taunting heart fluttering overhead. And the paper read _Better luck next time, tebane!_

 **Peeping Log:**

 **FAIL!**


End file.
